Friday, July 09, 2010 I have just celebrated my birthday here in Paris with my beautiful family... Viv and Jonathan have lived here for 23 years and they are a dynamic and creative couple. (A little side story...Viv was telling me yesterday about her wedding in Las Vegas many years ago ... they eloped and surprised the family upon their return.)

I woke early in the morning to a gift from my grown children back in Australia - lots of love letters and photos of of us, I was so moved by their cards and thoughts. Lots of messages from friends and a call from Roger in the Alps...

Last night Viv, Jonathan and I were joined by other sister in law and her husband, Tess and John, who live in Melbourne and are also over for holidays. We had a beautiful tagine rich with flavours of mint, coriander, prunes and vegetables... and a chocolate cake.

And for my present...the sales are on in Paris... so I bought a gorgeous summer dress for the incredible heat...and some new wedding suits for my return next year! I love dressing up for weddings and the suits here are so elegant!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I felt very blessed to be in Wales this weekend for Liz’s 70^th and I was also invited to a women’s gathering on the Saturday. Sarah had celebrated her birthday in January but because of the snow storms that had isolated many parts of England in that month had waited until now to call a gathering. She wanted to invite many of her women friends who were over 50 (I was given a concession pass!) to join her and share their wisdom on getting older.

We gathered down on Newport Beach, on a glorious still, blue, sunny day (with no sound of planes overhead!).



The tide was out … which is a long way in Wales and the beach was quiet up at the far end. The first few ladies had gathered wood and made a fire that we all sat around. We laid out the picnic blankets, hot drinks and cakes that we had each brought to share.

The circle started with our elder in the group, Jennifer, (a sprightly 72 year old) adorning Sarah with a floral tiara and singing a song of love and appreciation. Sarah was overcome with emotion. This was followed by another beautiful woman sharing two poems about the craziness of aging and Jennifer sharing a poem on the blessings of aging.

Sarah thanked everyone for coming and invited us to share (without any pressure to have to speak) our wisdom on getting older.

The topic of aging bodies began our conversation, followed by the acknowledgement of losing ‘youthfulness of body’ but not spirit.

Then a dear friend of Sarah’s had written a letter that Sarah asked me to read out. It was a lovely honouring of her own aging process and what she was looking forward to. It affirmed her excitement about what was to come. Sarah’s friend had also written a lovely meditation which I asked if I could guide people through for a few minutes. Everyone agreed. The stillness and appreciation was deepened amongst this beautiful group of women. Relaxing onto the sand while sitting, listening to the waves rolling in, feeling the gentle breeze across our face, awareness of our breathing, the very breath of life, and listening to our heartbeats…

The stopping in silence was a welcome interlude in our busyness to get there and set up; and the excitement of the circle.

We touched on courage, creativity, companionship, craziness, the liberation and freedom of aging… acceptance of who we are and how we are. I loved one lady who told, with humour, the freedom of now walking up the mountain with her trousers stuck In her socks looking like a geek, and another’s delight at not caring anymore if she fell asleep on the train with her mouth wide open... and snoring! Acceptance of who we are!

We discussed the fear of becoming old and our bodies become incapable of doing what we used to do, the necessity of facing death, our mortality and experiencing our vulnerability, the significance of community support, the desire for some to live where they can see the ocean and watch the coming and going of life, the wish to set up an aged care facility with likeminded and kind people, the importance of listening to the body  and to take heed of its needs, the specialness of being 60 – changes to work and free time… the change of hormones and the increase of intuition… the becoming of the wise woman. Another lady talked about her desire for a calm mind and an openness to the joy of dying.  Jennifer shared the challenge and the gifts of being forced to be still when she had major back problems and couldn’t walk for nearly two years and the importance of stepping out of comfort zone and taking risks.

We honoured the up’s and downs of the changes, family, work, money and restrictions. We shared our hearts honestly and openly, we laughed and there were a few tears. 

Then a suggestion came for a paddle in the ocean… up to the knees…

We headed down with trousers rolled up. My toes touched the shallow water on the edge of the shore and I was surprised at its warmth. Wading deeper the water around my ankles brought a chill that made my bones ache.  Nope… not for me… I backed out to the warmth of the one inch depth. 

The prompt of going in to waist level was taken up by four ladies (three who were nearly 70!) who wore just their knickers and tops… and of course, in the exhilaration of it all it was decided a full swim was in order. I was glad to hold their clothes and cheered them on.

It was freezing (the water is seriously cold here in the UK!) yet those who were bold dived in loved it! They paddled around, albeit briefly, but I admired them and honoured their courage! I am still grateful I kept warm! I have swum in enough glacial pools to know how long you stay cold for after getting chilled to the bone.

Back on the beach and around the fire we chatted some more and before the circle closed I asked if I could make an offering to the group. They agreed. I honoured the wisdom and support that comes from being with a group of women. The love, the companionship, the acceptance, the sharing all uphold us in the rich and varied role of being a woman. This gathering celebrated our shared wisdom and our aging. I acknowledged the power of stating our truths in a circle of women and thanked everyone for the gifts they had brought into my life. I invited everyone to think of a quality they would like to see enhanced and if they wished to, share it in the circle to give their wish power.

Women asked for patience, courage, creativity, playfulness, time for more rest, trust…

It was a heartfelt exploration of our lives as aging women. To close the circle Sarah asked if we would all like to sing… and she led us in a spontaneous chorus of ‘row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

We are indeed rowing our boats gently through life and the afternoon was indeed a dream time.  And as one lady said, we have earned these wrinkles. We are women wrinkled from tears and laughter, hard work and spending time out in the sun, from raising families, from loving and heartbreak. Thank you for a special celebration of life.

Thank you Sarah and happy, happy birth day.

 

 

Friday, April 16, 2010

We drove from Monyash to south west Wales on Friday for the gathering of Roger’s clan.

We turned up the Crosby, Stills and Nash album and bopped along the highway in anticipation of being with some of his very dear friends and being back in a gorgeous part of the world, the coast near Cardigan. 

Liz was celebrating her 70^th birthday and people were coming from far and wide, in particular the hippies from the 60’s that were part of the lifestyle in Wales all those years ago.

It was lots of fun as people reconnected, danced and partied on into the night. The old rockers, Hawkwind played, and prior to them starting old dance favourites were delivered by the iPod.  I loved it.  I danced for a while then stepped back to watch the people on the dance floor. I was marveling to see the four year olds, the teenagers, the mid 30’s to 60’s and the sprightly 70 year olds shaking their tail feathers.

A few close friends had written songs for Liz which were receieved with a hearty round of applause and Liz herself, to the surprise of many, got up and said a few words… very few in number but huge in meaning. It doesn’t take much to convey how much you love and appreciate your ‘clan’.

Happy Birthday Liz!

Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Sharna, is like another daughter to me. Her mum, Helen, invited me to join them for a dinner on Sharna's 21st birthday and asked if I would lead the celebration. I was more than happy to. After a beautiful meal (every one brought a plate to share) we gathered in a circle in the lounge room.

I started by honouring Helen, acknowledging the amazing role she had taken on in mothering Sharna on her own. Affirming the joys and strengths and also the incredible challenges she had overcome (Sharna was a very forthright, strongwilled beautiful child!) Helen expressed her gratitude to the adults in the room who had been by their sides during this time.

Then our focus moved to Sharna. I honoured her beauty and inner strength and then invited all the guests, if they wanted to, to affirm the qualities they saw in Sharna and how she had touched them. I asked Sharna (explaining that it may feel uncomfortable at first) if that was OK... she was happy to!

Nearly everyone spoke of the qualities they had witnessed in her growing up and also, what they saw in her now as a young woman.It was beautiful. About ten minutes into starting the full moon came up over the horizon (the view from their home is stunning!) so we paused while we oo'd and ah'd over the blood red moon coming up.

We finished the celebrations with present opening and hugs and kisses ... and a yummy chocolate cake!

This coming Saturday is the pool party for her younger friends - Pirate theme!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I have known Alice since she was a young girl and she calls me her second mum. When she rang me the other day asking if she could come around and discuss some things with me it came as no surprise. What did surprise me though, was when she asked if she could have her 18th birthday party at my home. She wanted to hold a  dinner party for all the significant people in her life. Her family, close family friends, 3 girlfriends, a lady she had stayed with for a few months, her employers at the cafe where she works part time, her boss at the interior design shop where she does work experience every  week. There would be 20 guests and she was asking every one to bring a plate of food to share.

She also wanted to do something special and asked me for some ideas. I suggested that we invite her guests to sit in a circle after dinner and she say a few words about why she had invited them and what she appreciated about having them in  her life.  She took some time beforehand and wrote each person a lovely statement of gratitude.

On the night we shared a beautiful meal. We then gathered in the circle and I congratulated her on having such a wonderful support team around her. She then spoke, one by one, to every  person what she had written. It was simple yet lovely.

Her mum then read out something she had written that was an adaptation of a reading I had read at my son's 18th birthday  five months ago. I first came across the reading by another friend and then sourced it back to one of Jack Canfields 'Chicken soup of the Soul' books.

It was a reading that expresses the gift that having a baby is. That the baby is given by spirit for us to care and look after, to nurture and to enjoy.  That over the years, as parents, we give the child room to grow, and lessons to learn. We hold them close and also give them space to explore and experience challenges. And then, after all is said and done, the time has come to let them go. They have explored freedom and they know family restrictions and now it is time to open the family door and let them fly out on their own. The door will always be open for them to feel welcome yet it is the time for them to really taste independance. They are 18!

After her mum had shared this reading I then invited others to reflect upon their lives as a teenager and think of something they would like share with Alice. People spoke from their hearts and shared stories and words of wisdom. It was very special.

It was not your usual 18th party, (especially with no alcohol), yet it was rich with meaning and reflected to this lovely young woman how special she is. Everybody loved it.

I love birthday celebrations where there is a ceremony of some sort. I have been asked to conduct many birthday parties and one of the best places to start is by figuring out 'what do you really want?'

Because everyone who has come to me wants something special it usually involves a 'sharing circle'.

Willa celebrated her 60th by also having a circle. She spent weeks before hand choosing  photos and writing. She brought to the party a photo of everybody who  came and a story of gratitude to share with them which was read out after a sumptious meal. There were plenty of laughs and tears.

Her husband, Peter, had put together one of my famous birthday books. I initially created these home made books many years ago with my own children's significant birthdays. Months before the birthday I would send out invitations  for close family and friends to send in  photographs, letters, quotes, stories, poems or anything about the birthday person that could be included in a 'Book of Treasures' that I would collate.  The 'treasures' that came in were precious and my grown children still pull out these books years later to read through them. Many letters affirmed their qualities and inspired them to stand tall and strong, to relax and enjoy. I loved doing it (Be warned ... they take a while to collate) and they have had lots of pleasure receiving them.

For another gentlemans 70th birthday we had his guests form a circle in chronological order of when they first met him. Then everyone had the opportunity to share a story about their meeting. At the close of the circle we all called out blessings that we wished for him. It was fabulous.

At another one, everyone was invited to do a small painting or drawing. It didn't have to be a Rembrandt, just a few splashes of colour if they wanted. It was lots of fun and he then formed a collage of these and framed the finished painting.

Using candles, ribbons, storytelling, sharing thanks... whatever ritual is used it can touch people deeply. How have you celebrated a significant birthday?