Friday, March 12, 2010 My friend, Sarah, works with a deaf student signing and she was talking today about her work. It reminded me of a beautiful wedding I was privileged to conduct in Coffs Harbour for a deaf couple. When the thirty guests arrived it was silent... yet not without communication. Everyone was signing to each other... it was beautiful to see their expressive communication and joy without words.

The interpreter for the wedding ceremony was a real gem and we took it in turns to communicate the ceremony to the family and friends... as most of the guests needed to  look at the interpreter and could not look at the couple at the same time. It was a beautiful 'dance' between us all. The depth of silence present during the ceremony was uplifting... and highlighted by the applause and calls of congratulations as I presented the couple as husband and wife - it was absolutely joyous!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010
MEMORIES FROM WEDDINGS PAST

Sally had brought her wedding forward six months so that her mother, who was not well, could be present. Sadly, her mother died three weeks before the new wedding date. They decided to go ahead with the wedding as everything was set to go and the mum requested it be so.

The last time everyone had been together was at Sally’s mum’s funeral and as is to be expected it was fresh in everyone’s minds. We took a moment at the beginning of the ceremony to acknowledge the sadness that her mum couldn’t be present, and acknowledged that her presence of love and joy would be with us as we celebrated their marriage. I had talked to Sally and Peter beforehand about really focusing on her mum's smile and warmth as we remembered her so that the love would be stronger than the sadness. They were able to do this on the day and this focus was supported by the wording of the ceremony.

Sally let her family and friends know that this remembrance was going to be a part of the ceremony so it didn’t surprise or shock anyone.  There were lots of tears and yes, it was difficult however it brought comfort as well as joy, to bring an awareness of her spirit and love into the ceremony.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009
MEMORIES FROM WEDDINGS PAST

You have all probably heard about Coffs Harbour and major flooding events on the news.

It does make it rather tricky being a celebrant in wild conditions...I drove for an hour and a half in light rain up a winding mountain road to misty Dorrigo.  I  arrived early and called in to the bride's nan's house where the bride was getting ready. I had been neighbours with the bride and her family many many years ago.

It was 45 minutes before the start of the wedding.The bride was nowhere near ready and her dress wasn't even ironed!  The bride asked me would I mind ironing her dress and I thought it was a wise idea as who knows how long it would be before I see her otherwise. (I also happen to be a pretty whiz bang ironer and not shy about ironing wedding dresses)

She ended up only being half an hour late.  However by this stage it was raining solidly and the groom was pacing and hot in his 'Drizabone' outfit. It was a classic country bush wedding with hay bales and country music. They had a real ball once we got started! They had asked me if I would declare: 'Is there anyone here today who knows of any legal reason why these two cannot be married?'. I agreed knowing that there weren't any legal impediments to the marriage. When I asked the question all of the groom's men, pulled out shotguns... that might have been a legal impediment to the marriage going ahead if anyone had said yes!

After that lighthearted moment which made every one laugh...it was a beautiful ceremony and included a naming ceremony for their three boys.  There were umpteen certificates to sign with the naming ones and there were kids everywhere.

It poured with rain as I drove back down the winding mountain road in the dark to my next ceremony. This couple were surprising their guests by getting married at their combined birthday celebration.

Sunday, December 06, 2009 MEMORIES OF WEDDINGS PAST

I remember being quite alarmed when I met this couple for the first time. When I opened my front door and welcomed them into my home the groom was holding their beautiful new born baby. He looked a little treasure fast asleep. I acknowledged their baby and the groom said, 'yeah, the little ##@!! didn't sleep last night'.

It took me quite aback that anyone would call their child by this language. I was starting to think that I would have to decline the booking as my judgements were making it clear that it wasn't going to be comfortable for me working with them.

However, what happened next was beautiful.

Since we had booked the time together I decided to relax and chill out and listen to their story. Prompted by my questions they proceeded to share what their vision was for their wedding (with some descriptive swear words included) His bride, a gentle but strong young lady, who was well spoken, did not apologise for his language, she just sat beside him and talked as his equal.

After discussing their reasons for getting married, their love for each other, their appreciation and admiration of their very close family and friends I was opened to a world of love, respect, fierce loyalty and protection. They had been high school sweet hearts and then had some time apart. It was during this time about seven years ago when they realised that they were meant for each other.

They had been together over ten years and decided now was the time to get married. After this sharing and seeing this groom's diamond in the rough I agreed to be their celebrant. I came to realise that, while he spoke a different language to me, his heart was open and in love with his beautiful fiance and mother of his child.

When it came time to leave, they thanked me and the groom, said he knew he was different and spoke a bit rough but he was very happy I had agreed to marry them.

I received their 'love letters' a few weeks later which I invite all couples to write (and not all of them take the time or interest to do this exercise). I felt honoured to read theirs - they both feel very blessed to have each other and their beautiful little boy.

I am glad I left my judgement by the side and was privileged to participate in their wedding ceremony. They are still doing really well many years later.

Thursday, December 03, 2009
MEMORIES FROM WEDDINGS PAST

Samantha and Michael had wanted ‘Bella’ their poodle to be the ring bearer. A line was set up to run from the back of the ceremonial area to the front. When it was time for the rings to be exchanged, Bella was placed on the run with the rings attached to her collar. When Samantha and Michael called her she bounded to the front where she delivered the rings. Getting her back wasn’t so easy but it was nice to include her in such a significant moment of the ceremony. It made everyone laugh as all the guests knew that Bella was Samantha and Michael’s ‘little girl’.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009
MEMORIES OF WEDDINGS PAST...

Sarah and Hayes' wedding at Rose Cottage (31.10.09) was held on the southern side of the a little bridge... one of the guests commented that with all the guests coming back and forth over it was a great test. It reminded me of a wedding I conducted on a private jetty off Newry Island. The bride, groom and myself stood on the jetty while the guests were on the bank witnessing. It was a beautiful wedding in the quiet afternoon overlooking the gently flowing Kalang River. The banks had been landscaped and looked stunning. It wasn't until after the wedding when the family photos were being taken and there were about 10 people on the jetty platform, that suddenly without any warning the whole jetty dropped three feet down into the mud under the weight. It was amazing that not one single person toppled in - there were only a few of us saw it actually happen but it was unbelievable - needless to say the bride and groom and guests headed for dry land!

Sunday, October 11, 2009 WEDDING MEMORIES FROM MY EARLY DAYS

The wedding was to be held in the 'India Garden' of the Botanic Garden. The furthermost point from the entrance of the garden...

It was November, the month of the afternoon thunderstorms for the Coffs Coast. The clouds were building and the static was in the air. The humidity was high and all was looking good for a great downpour. And yet, the front was still a way off. I advised the couple that it would be wise to stay close to shelter however they were resolute - out the back was where they wanted to go. Armed with umbrellas they were determined to head to the nether region of the park. With my gear in hand I agreed and we made our way to the grassy parkland.

It was beautiful. The colours were rich and mellow, the setting lush and green. We started on time which was a blessing as it meant that I was able to sign the certificates before the first big drops started to descend from the heavens... followed by many other big drops ... within minutes it was tropical season in the garden ... heavy rain from all directions... the bride and groom were placed in the centre of the covered area but everyone on the outskirts got drenched. One of the guys did a runner to get the four wheel drive (there is a ban on them using the roads in the gardens - but I think they saw the challenge in getting the couple out dry - forget the guests!!

The guy in the little 'people mover' was soaked, so was I. I took my lovely Italian shoes off and poured the water out and decided bare foot was a better option at this stage.  My suit was soaked - the umbrella useless given the wild nature of the elements. The romantic life of a celebrant??

One major challenge occurred aside from the rain that taught me a big lesson that I am happy to share here.

In the chaos that ensued I handed the marriage certificate to the matron of honour, who was also the bride's sister. This seemed the only option granted the couple were huddled into the car and whisked away. It was some weeks later that I received a call from the bride asking if she could have another certificate (which cannot be done according to the regulations)

In the few weeks since the wedding day she had fallen out with her sister and now the sister was refusing to hand the certificate over. It was a major legal drama to get it back.

Moral of the story: Always ascertain from the couple who the marriage certificate will go to after the ceremony!