Wednesday, March 31, 2010 My friend here in Wales was sharing with me that she had been to visit her mother in the U.S. the week before she died. They were able to have a long heart to heart talk that was many years overdue. Yet, in truth, it could not have come any sooner. Her mum was a member of a Fundamental Christian community who were by her side 24 hours a day, nursing and caring for her as she prepared to die. My friend received a phone call one night to say that her mother had died while being surrounded by the nurses who were all singing to her. What a beautiful way to leave this life... being sung to by your friends. Many blessings on all of our journies in life and in our time of dying.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Friday, January 29, 2010

While in Canada staying with our friends we were talking about a friend’s death and one of the ladies shared that her brother had put together an audiovisual recording before he died.

In this homemade movie he said goodbye to his nearest and dearest. She said it wasn’t always easy to watch but she said her brother had made it lots of fun so there was lots of laughter alongside the tears. 

The young man focused on each of the family members and a few key friends expressing his gratitude for particular things that he loved and appreciated about each person. He finished with a goodbye message to everyone. I got goosebumps when I heard her talk about it.

Taking time to give thanks and let people know how much we love them is so important… especially before we die.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I met a lovely lady while I was in Bristol who spends three months of the year living with her son and his family in India and the other nine months of the year on her property in Portugal with her husband. She was talking about a friend who had died ten years ago. Recently, on the tenth anniversary of his death many of his friends and family responded to the following questions (using the internet as the place of sharing since everyone was far and wide across the planet)

 What has he missed not being here for the last ten years? And, what would he have loved?  What do we love and remember about him?

She said it was a beautiful insight into her friend and the memory of him. I was touched by the way she spoke of him and connected him to things that were current in her life. Here’s to remembering and speaking of our friends long gone. In my latest book on funerals there are lots more ideas for memorial services. Click here for more info

Thursday, January 07, 2010

A dear friend spoke to me about the death of her horse, Cobber, and forwarded me the story of the time she spent with him at his death and the simple but beautiful ceremony that unfolded. I share it here in honour of all our animal friends.

In Margot’s words:

I would love to share my story of the final hours of a brave, gentle and patient friend, my horse Cobber who has been in my life and followed me to every new location since his birth 25 years ago.

It was extremely difficult to watch him suffer from severe colic for 24 hours and even with the pain relief and treatment from the vet in the early stages, his condition slowly deteriorated. I maintained a sense of presence and sat with him.

When I stayed fully in the present moment, I noticed I did not fear death. I simply had to respond (as opposed to react) to whatever I was faced with at that very moment. I am no stranger to death and grief after my daughter’s tragic accident and have discovered an enormous reservoir of courage and strength available to me now.

My yoga and spiritual practice played a major part in the profound experience I had during Cobber’s last 4 hours. It is very easy to slip into the emotional layer of our being in such challenging situations but when I continually remembered the Truth, that we are all connected and that the soul is eternal. Every breath I took I offered to the highest and dedicated it for my companion’s passage to beyond. There was such a clarity and freedom being in that space rather than clouded by my own beliefs, emotions and patterns.

At one stage I was sitting very close to Cobber who was standing with his head drooped, his breathing laboured, I did a meditation that expanded my awareness out from the physical form of my body yet still deeply connected to the Earth. I felt as if I merged with Cobber and then the singing birds, the sky, the planet and the Creator. It was the truth of oneness.

I kept this connection as I started to sing and prayed as if this was a divine offering of compassion and unconditional love, my final gift for this noble soul.

I must explain that this is so far from the person my horse knew all those years ago. During those last few hours I discovered that all the times I rode him and let others ride him, as the easy going horse anyone could ride, all the things I expected of him he did without a choice really.

As I asked for his forgiveness of my ignorance, I realised that he predominantly cares for being treated in the most loving way that he can understand in his equine form. A pure divine expression, yet we forget this in our daily interactions and world of doing and achieving. I was so grateful for the chance to just offer love in its highest form.

The very ending was still distressing as I watched him stagger and fall to the ground, struggling for breath and consumed with intense pain.

Helplessly I cried and called to God to stop the suffering, to help my honourable friend and then I chanted the Gayatri Mantra (a sacred Sanskrit prayer) for the presence of divine light. In hindsight it was similar to the transition process of birth where there is an intense period as the child moves through the birth canal, yet the soul remains whole and complete.

As Cobber lay still I rested my head on his neck and stayed there for I don’t know how long, the suffering was over and there was a deep stillness in the peace I experienced.

Cobber’s last gift to me was to experience an amazing healing and sense of communion with all of creation, the union of our souls in an existence beyond time and space - he is with me in me around me, always. My daughter is too. At times I have struggled to believe this but now thanks to Cobber there is no doubt in my mind that we just need to remember the simple truth of God, the Divine, the creator, whatever one may name this presence, that exists and is sacred in each living being that comes before us. We get to experience the “Godness” of each other for a short time in a physical form and then we are once again reunited with the eternal spirit of all existence.

What honourable beings and spiritual teachers our horses are if only we could all awaken to this truth. Cobber was a part of my life when I was quite ignorant and has been so patient with me as I slowly learned how to see these sentient beings as highly evolved spiritual beings with amazing big hearts just waiting to show us the way to a truth that they have never forgotten.

The Horse, such a magnificent symbol of purity, nature, freedom and truth. For five thousand years, humans have innately known there is something special about connecting with a horse.

Simply stated, Cobber helped me to see God in him and that we are all equal and special, that my purpose is to love and care with kindness and sincerity with my whole heart. This is what living in the light is all about. Even in his death Cobber was a great teacher.

The whole family took part in his burial and goodbyes which included all the practical aspects of lending machinery to dig a grave and moving Cobber’s body which I am eternally grateful for my husband, Steve’s strength to organise all of this. He even tried his best to have Cobber carried by the tractor in the most dignified way possible. The girls and I followed the tractor across the paddock on a very hot summer day and lay flowers, poems and kisses as our final gifts. We will plant a lovely shade tree in the winter to mark his resting place.

I feel so honoured that I was able to help my equine partner in his time of death. Whether animal or human we can honour the sacredness of all life, all of existence and remember our infinite nature.