Thursday, July 08, 2010 At the end of our stay in the UK we drove up to Glasgow to see a theatre performance hosted by Roger's daughter, Jess, whom I love and respect greatly. She is a strong, independent and passionate young woman, a beautiful wife to her husband Julian and a fabulous mum to our two grandchildren - I really enjoy her company and enthusiasm for art and her family.

I was excited and also a bit nervous as we waited in the foyer of the Arches Theatre, a magnificent underground building  in the old train station in the centure of Glasgow. There were lots of of beautiful brick arches and tunnels everywhere transformed into cafes, workshop spaces and performance spaces. This was not like your usual stage performance. Jess is one of the founding members of Uninvited Guests

They declare on their website about the company formed in 1998: 'Uninvited Guests make entertaining and provocative performance. Our work represents a contemporary reality, in which memories of movies are as much part of our experience as intimate dialogues with lovers. We work in various contexts and constellations, focusing mainly on performance but also producing installation and digital media. Recent work has blurred the line between theatre and social festivities, with audiences joining us in events that are celebratory and elegiac, nostalgic and critical of these times.'

We were attending the performance, 'Love letters straight from the heart'.

'Let's raise our glasses to long lost loves and current lovers, to mums, to dads and to absent friends ' Uninvited Guests stage an event that is somewhere between a wedding reception, a wake and a radio dedication show. We speak of our own and other's loves - deep, passionate, ambivalent and unrequited - and dedicate songs to them.'

We entered the softly lit room to find a long u-shaped table that almost filled the length of the room. The red tableclothes and red roses suggested we were entering into a reception venue... complete with a glass of champagne! There was about thirty audience members and two performers, Jess and her colleague, Richard.

They welecomed us with an introduction and then sat at either end of the room with  sound equipment ...and the performance/ceremony began.

I was completely mesmerised by the interaction between the two of them, their portrayal of young new love and tired love...of enthusiasm and disinterest...
they shared the dedications that audience members had emailed in before the show, with the sound tracks they had chosen.

The diversity was rich, the depth profound, the sharing unexpected, and the range of comfort was variable. I could tell the young guys opposite me were challenged at times, and yet it was a powerful performance that I enjoyed immensely.

Given my background in celebrancy and having been privileged to read many loveletters over the last fifteen years I felt delighted that here was Jess, bringing out into the world people's stories - their loves, their broken hearts, their disappointments and expectations...  a magnificent performance and I was so proud of her!

Here's to love, and to sharing our stories...

My dedication was to Roger and I chose the song, Thank you for loving me, by Sinead O’Connor.

 

This song was played as part of the performance and then my letter, that I wrote, was read out. It was a powerful public declaration. Others too were touched when their letters were read.

My letter:

In my relationships, my first major one was when I was 17 years old, I have found joy and heartbreak. They have provided me with a rich and challenging learning ground. I have been pushed many times beyond what I thought were my limits, to breaking points that hurt and bared open my very being.

As a young girl I wanted to believe in fairytales – finding the right partner for a lifelong union and the dream, ‘they lived happily ever after’.  My life, naturally, revealed a different tale… three difficult, yet upon reflection, beautiful, intimate relationships.

I cried when I heard Sinead O’Connor sing, ‘Thank you for breaking my heart’. I was outraged and yet, I knew, in truth, its beauty.

In my experience these three key relationships brought me face to face with my own foibles and ineffective ways of relating. They poked and prodded me to discover my inner qualities of courage and strength, to find and speak the truth, to access resources that lay dormant in me… of being dynamic and also still… these have been the fruits of the alchemy of loving.

I have learnt through the struggles the art of non violent communication and compassion. I have faced injustice and fears, my own and others. Each of partners saw me for who I am, in all my colours, and they loved me.

With Roger, my partner now of many years, I have deepened my connection to inner peace and sense of Self. It may have been age and maturity that saw us both move forward into a different way of relating, however I have deep gratitude for this journey we share and raise a glass to the Wendy and Roger dance.

 

Thank you Roger for loving me. Thank you for seeing me and not leaving me. Thank you for silence with me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for holding me and saying I could be. Thank you for breaking my heart, thank you for tearing me apart. Now I am a strong, strong heart.

Thank you for loving me.

If you have read this far... are you interested in making a dedication and sharing your love letter and dedication with my readers???

 I would love to hear from you. Please email me.
info@wendyhaynes.com

Congratulations to Unvited Guests!

Friday, June 11, 2010 Bonjour

Ten days into our French adventure and it has been full of surprises… but first a funny story about our trip down through the middle of England to the white cliffs of Dover.

We camped by the side of a small road near the Canterbury Downs when two local dogs decided to bark near the van yapping us to distraction …so we decided to move even though it was quite late.

Driving around we saw the perfect paddock to camp in and knocked on the nearest door to ask if it would be ok for us to sleep there. The lady of the house and her husband were extremely friendly and said that no, we couldn’t camp there but we were welcome to camp on their ‘island’, a small area of grass in front of their country house.  So deeply grateful to be able to stop we pulled onto the nature reserve and settled in for the night.  An hour or so later the very English genteel man insisted, in his inebriated state, that we must absolutely come in and join them for a drink. They had had guests for lunch and now his wife had retired for the evening, so we were entertained by his son and himself.

The table was littered with 20 or so wine bottles and ashtrays overflowing, glasses everywhere and the remnants of cheese platters in place. The air was thick with stale cigarette smoke yet somehow they created a friendly and inviting environment to stay in, which we did while the father managed to find another bottle of wine which took him a while to open in the state he was in. I managed to refuse his generous offer of wine, much to his amusement that I didn't drink alcohol, and found myself a Perrier water.

He had an innate sense of hospitality yet there was also an air of being invited in as a means of entertainment for them. Two travelers from Down Under come to the real world, the centre of the universe (only 40 minutes from London and not far from Brighton – said in the upper class Brit accent!).

At one point he tried to put forward the argument that England had only become a colonialist power by default, a natural growth because of England’s prowess in the industrial and business worlds which had led to their success all over the world. When questioned on this, like the incidents of the opium wars and slavery, he did admit that a little coercion may have been used here and there.

It didn't take him long to let us know he didn't really like his work and all he wanted to do was sit in his garden, drink wine, read a good book and smoke cigarettes. When questioned as to what he did, there was a pause and he launched into his title and power position with aplomb… I won't reveal it here to protect this 'important man's' reputation... he assured us in no uncertain terms that he was the top and best in his field in this part of the world. I had to laugh! How did we end up in his house!

He certainly had an eclectic view on society and assured us that no job he ever worked with was ever black or white however his priority was straightforward to win! Each situation was like an 18thcentury naval battle.

When we asked his son if he was going to follow in his father's footsteps he replied Absolutely (pause) not! (Also in a upper class Brit accent) He declared his passion to be a children's writer, even if it meant becoming an alcoholic or a heroin addict. I was not quite sure of the link with his thinking.

Any subject relating to feminine prowess were treated with disdain and his declaration that he loved to impregnate women (stated at least five times) brought another smile of disbelief to my face. I wonder what his son thought of this drunken statement.

The father and son had an interesting relationship. On one level the son was an absolute chip off the old block quaffing wine all day, smoking endlessly, effusing similar opinions about life, still living at home under his father's benevolent eye. Yet, there was a rebel in him, declaring his laziness and choice of study. Both held the view that the English culture was by God given right and there was nowhere else in the world they could imagine living or why anyone else would want to do so! The son's favourite exclamation was "it is searingly good!"

After two hours of incredible live theatre which we were ;all players, we were able to bid them both a fond farewell and took our smoky bodies back to our little van on the island chuckling at our good fortune in having spent the evening with them. In the morning we left via the other side road which revealed that the country house was in fact a 17th century double gabled mansion whose driveway we would not have even considered going in to. It was a fabulous evening and a great piece of British theatre where we all had a part to play. We couldn't have asked for better.

My favourite quote from The Incredible String Band....

All of life is but a stage, be thou a joyful player!

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Having enjoyed the music and camaraderie of the hurdy gurdy festival recently in Youlgreave, Derby, UK recently I was delighted to then read an article in The Daily Telegraph (18^th May 2010) entitled ‘Music unlocks the key to their souls’ by Stephen Hough (concert pianist and Telegraph blogger)

‘What makes playing a musical instrument worthy of special attention is that its physical and mental complexities are a springboard to something beyond the tangible or measurable. Unlike sport, music is not about winning, or keeping fit, or promoting your town or school; it’s about celebrating, to a level approaching ecstasy, the deepest human longings. At moments of acute joy or sorrow, men and women throughout history have sung or reached for musical instruments to express the inexpressible. When minds are taut with emotional entanglement, there seems to be an inner compulsive instinct to release and harness this tension through the measured vibrations in the air we call music.’

Hough goes on to write that music makes people happy. ‘Few occupations pass the solitary hours more fruitfully than the playing of a musical instrument’ and quotes Pascal, ‘the sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.’

Music can certainly lift my spirits and if all else fails will get me to shake my tail feather until I am laughing!

Monday, May 31, 2010

As Roger and I reach the 6 month mark of our travels I marvel at the inner terrain we have covered which has been as diverse and as inspiring as many of the outer wonders we have witnessed, and at times, as daunting. For both of us putting aside our home, work, family and community; our daily routines and acts of service and stepping into the unknown opened up the gates of fear, grief and sadness as well as relief and excitement for some time out from the busyness. We dedicated this journey to our relationship and also our spiritual path. As well as the walking and exploring, we share two meditation periods a day which holds our focus on peace and harmony… which I have called upon more than a few times.

I have discovered aspects of myself that have long laid hidden (or so I thought) …both creative and destructive and reading through my journal makes me cry and laugh. How seriously I can take things! And yet, I know the power of this time to explore this inner reality. As I walk the mountains, and through the valley, past the streams and over the footpaths walked by thousands of others for centuries I feel connected to all of humanity – to the struggle and the beauty. I feel a sense of peace, a sense of safety, of trusty, a sense of knowing all is well.  Each moment is precious and I give thanks for the luxury of having time out. I feel deeply blessed.

 

Saturday, May 29, 2010

from my beloved roger...

G;day from the lake district. We are ensconced in the heart of this magical Tolkien landscape
walking out the door gives access to awesome walking and we have been blessed with long sunny days
allowing us to spend 8 or 9 hours up high...wandering, view soaking, snoozing (vibe soaking). we have been blessed also with 2 australian visitors -hari, then dave and uzzi -a real treat.

Full moon looming and 17 hours of daylight making for a very bright time here. Bathing in the tarns [brrrrrr] and streams [surprisingly warm] as we go
 
managed to fit a trip to glasgow in where we attended my daughter jess's theatre piece ...brilliant
we camped in a very remote spot up a blind wide valley on the way there, by a beautiful stream, in exquisite wilderness.

After a 2 hour drive from there we were in central glagow    felt like we were on another planet
my eyes were on stalks  and jaw on the ground. First city in 6 months...lots of people, milling and shopping
what a colourful bunch we humans are.
 
as well as the awesome outside landscape, wendy and i have been visiting some amazing and intense inner scenes too. The intensity of 24/7 living pushes us ever deeper into cathedral caves with narrow tunnel entrances; lush meadows full of wildflowers; vast mountain vistas; icy pools, which shock the system; and  the silence of stillness itself.
 
from the inner and outer apparrent worlds we send all our love to you

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Old boots and flower pots

People love to collect things: we have seen gardens filled with gnomes, with sea shells, windmills and other random assorted items… this little garden in Tissington took our fancy with its ‘old boot flower pots’ There were at least 20 of them scattered through their garden and at the front door. I guess, it all started with one old boot … and then before you know it all of their friends knew where to toss their old boots!

Family rituals or customs start somewhere. I remember reading a story of a mother who had a beautiful handmade apron that her mother had made. One day her grown daughter came home to visit and upon leaving her mother carefully tucked the family heirloom apron into her daughter’s suitcase with a love note. Her daughter laughed when she found her grandma’s apron and the message inside. She loved wearing her mothers and grandmother’s apron in the kitchen.

When the daughter next visited her mother she carefully hid the apron somewhere she knew her mother would find it after she had returned home. And sure enough her mother smiled when she found the apron with another love note attached. In this way, a tradition began of passing the apron back and forth, by various means between the two women.

 

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The truly magnificent Lake District is a delight to behold.  The long lakes, still tarns, birch and beech forests, craggy outcrops of rocks and tall inviting mountains with ridge walks for miles and miles.

We have been here two days and had two awesome eight hour walks … the skies were blue and clear and our enthusiasm  brimming… so we took advantage of the fine weather climbing Weatherlam and down into Tibblethwaite Valley on the first day, and yesterday we climbed the steep Langdale Pikes over to High Raise back down in Elterwater. I was done by the time we reached the local pub where Rog had a beer and I hitched a ride back to our car (it is definitely easier for me to get a lift on my own!)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

We left Derby on Saturday after having some exquisite walks through magnificent blue bell woods which were heavenly. The blues, purples and whites of the flowers in the forest highlighted against an iridescent green backdrop are a feast for the eyes.  They are set amongst lovely old oak and birch trees which filter the light into the woods.  Miles upon miles of lovely bluebells, hillsides and valleys… and the exquisite perfume that is subtle yet intoxicating enthralls me. I lay down in the woods and just let the scent and colours enrich my senses.

England is now flush with leaves on the trees, bright yellows, greens and the reddy browns of the copper beech.  It really is a time for celebrating the newness of the world and Mother Nature’s awesome ability to regenerate after a long, cold winter.  The days are longer with the dawn starting around 4am (complete with bird song!) and the twilight lingering on past 10pm. We’ve enjoyed walking until quite late knowing we have many hours of daylight left.

On our journey here through the Yorkshire Dales we camped out in our little campervan in a remote spot by the river. I was outside doing my yoga just before going to bed … very active yoga to keep warm… and spied the first star of the evening and then the new crescent moon… one of the joys of camping out!

We woke in the morning to the sound of hundreds of cyclists whizzing past us (about 6am) in all their slick gear. They would pass in groups of 15 or so, with the occasional solo rider. Two hours later there were still large groups passing us. It turns out we were on the route for the 140 mile fundraising bike ride with over 900 riders taking part. On our way, carefully, up the road we stopped and chatted with one of the organizers who told us they were going up and over mountains and the shortest time would be five hours…. With most of the riders taking all day! It was a grueling route and we passed some of them on the final leg later that afternoon.

We called into Haworth which is the home of the Bronte sisters and it was festival time honouring the end of WWII (a special festival touring the nation). It was party time and everyone dressed up in period costume. There were soldiers, nurses, airforce personnel, women’s land army,  a few  SS officers, farm workers, shop owners and even a ‘street worker’ playing it up with the local bobby! There was music playing from the 40’s and the spirit in the air was friendly and revealed a community playing theatre together. We happened to just drop in and enjoy it! I remember reading an article about communities during crisis periods and the way in which it pulled people together, strengthening the community and also, noticeably reducing the incidents of depression.  The sense of camaraderie and shared purpose was played out in this celebration.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

We left Derby on Saturday after having some exquisite walks through magnificent blue bell woods which were heavenly. The blues, purples and whites of the flowers in the forest highlighted against an iridescent green backdrop are a feast for the eyes.  They are set amongst lovely old oak and birch trees which filter the light into the woods.  Miles upon miles of lovely bluebells, hillsides and valleys… and the exquisite perfume that is subtle yet intoxicating enthralls me. I lay down in the woods and just let the scent and colours enrich my senses.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Well Dressing in Tissington

An old tradition in the Derby area is the dressing of the wells.  The community comes together to create these beautiful pieces of art. A week before the event the boards on which the pictures are mounted are soaked in the village pond.  After this they are plastered in clay which is collected locally. The clay is mixed with salt and trodden (like grapes) to the right consistency. It is then evenly laid over the soaked board to form the next layer of the picture. The picture is then traced onto this surface and the outline defined with beans or the cones of the alder tree or coffee beans. Then comes the laborious task of laying the flower petals in. The petals are placed overlapping like tiles on a roof so that any rain may fall off the picture. This process takes three full days working together in groups. It is completed on Ascension Day. The well dressings are then blessed by the local priest and visited by thousands of tourists, like myself, before they are taken down the following week. The detail is stunning as you can see in the one of Noah’s ark. Noah’s beard is formed by the pussy willow buds. In Tissington they pride themselves on using nothing artificial in their pictures.

I wonder who started these traditions. Watching how these activities bring communities together is inspiring and creative. People, from all walks of life, come together for weeks to plan and create these magnificent pieces of art.