christmas and new year - a season for rituals
The month of December - all over the planet people are preparing for Christmas, a Christian celebration of spiritual reflection and giving. Many of those celebrating Christmas are not of the Christian faith and yet, this time of year has come to mean, for those that participate no matter what their beliefs, a time for a focused expression of sharing, caring, giving and receiving; for taking the day off from our busy lives to be with those near to us. Growing up in a Christian household firmly planted the seeds of Christmas being a time of sacred celebration, a time for reflection, give thanks and for giving. Many of the rituals that I had as a child have been carried on by my children. The rituals and ways in which we celebrate the festive seasons, as parents, does have an impact upon the following generations with many of the customs and special touches being continued on down the line.
Christmas is a time where it is traditional for families and friends to come together regardless of the distance or beliefs. For those people who live on their own, they may join with neighbours, friends, their hobby or social group. Most people like to connect with others at this time and there may even be quite a few gatherings to attend!
There will always be exceptions to the rule - I know of one gentleman who packs a picnic lunch on Christmas Day and heads to the quiet of the hills for a day of private prayer and contemplation.
For many, the first step of the Christmas ritual is the planning of where, when, what and who. We have a large family tree with many branches and tendrils. Who is going to be where this year? How can we get together? We had ‘Christmas’ one year in mid December because everyone was scattering to the other sides of the family on the 25th December… this year we honoured it last weekend.
So once we have decided the date and venue … we settle into the joy of knowing we are going to be together again and start planning the gathering, the travel, the food and the rituals.
The Rituals
There are many Christmas customs from different cultures around the world. No matter the family's spiritual beliefs - Christmas for many people is a time for a focused expression of sharing, caring, giving and receiving; for taking the day off from our busy lives to be with those near to us. One of the fun times for me as a child was the ritual of the Christmas Tree.
The Tree
One of the fun times for me as a child was the ritual of collecting and decorating the Christmas tree. We always wait until everyone is here to collect and decorate the tree even if it means putting it up on Christmas Eve.
With my children we buy a real Christmas tree from a local charity or we get the perfect branch (pine, gum or otherwise) from a property nearby. We head out with the saw, ropes and a sense of adventure. It is a familiar ritual that has come to symbolise the beginning of our time together, happy childhoods and working together to create something beautiful. Back in the car, the tree safely stowed on the roof, the journey home is filled with music and stories - tales of times past - ‘Do you remember when…’
This time of year is a great opportunity for telling stories, and we’ll come back to this.
We get home and out comes the seasonal bucket, lights, fabric, decorations and Diana Ross's recording of Christmas Carols. The Elf ears and hats go on and together we decorate the tree – yes, even now with my adult children the hats go on.
There is great joy in unwrapping the homemade decorations that the children made at school, new ones that grandma gave to us, baubles that shine, and candy sticks. The angel on the top is always a juggle.
Making a ritual of it can be lots of fun. If you live on your own then invite someone over to join in. If you are a control freak this may be too much... it could just be an official ‘turning on the lights’ celebration! Organise some nibblies and drinks to share. You may wish to have the same music playing every year to create a special atmosphere that is recalled every time you hear that particular piece. Most importantly, allow plenty of time – this is the time for being together, relaxing and enjoying – stand back and smell the roses of people working, playing and being together. This is a ritual that can hold a lot of power … and, of course, at times there will be tensions. When the children are young you may need to assign different tasks if there is dissension in the ranks.
Some suggestions for those with young children or grandchildren (whether they are your own or your neighbours’ children!)
Get creative and make some decorations – ones that are just for this season only - like strands of popcorn or chocolates hanging from the tree that are allowed to be eaten as time passes - or make others that will become heirlooms ... well maybe! They can be simple paper ones (bring out the crayons, the glitter, the scissors and the glue) or you can buy kits – take the time and have some fun with the young ones and discover your own inner child while you are at it.
If you have adult children you may wish to buy them a special Christmas tree decoration each year as a gift to their home and start a tradition.
You may wish to set up a nativity scene and discuss the Christmas story. It’s also a great time to discuss values and morals and what’s important in life. Find resources that will assist you to play with these ideas similar to some of the Recipes for Loving (the Teenage Honouring, The Gratitude Exercise or the Inspirational Cards) and put the focus on your family.
If you make the inspirational cards hang them from the Christmas tree, place them on the fridge and change them every day.
Write Christmas love notes and leave them around the house from ‘Santa' or from you!
My son and I went through a time of writing messages on the bathroom mirror with a whiteboard marker… it was lots of fun and insightful.
We are in need of reminders of how loved we are, of our inner beauty, of peace ever present… make it fun and keep it light hearted.
The Christmas Calendar
When our kids were young grandma made a fabric calendar for the period leading up to Christmas Day. It was for the month of December and each day had its own little pocket. We would draw a picture, write down a quote or write a letter to Santa, or create a story about Santa’s adventures. Come Christmas Eve we read all the letters one by one.
A Special Season in the Kitchen
The kitchen is always alive and well in our family with lots of laughter and good times. Here on the mid north coast of Australia it’s mango season. The sweet aroma of mangoes and fruit mince pies are a must. Muffins and croissants are our breakfast manna.
Not a family to waste an opportunity to make a game out of nothing... the mango pips would always be saved and come to the beach with us in the afternoon and be passed around the circle in the water in a game of catch. They become very slippery and hard to catch in the water and they float…we would inevitable end up in lots of laughter!
We have foods that have now become synonymous with Christmas.
Make one treat at this time that you always make… our memories are made up of all our senses… your children will remember the smell or taste for the rest of their lives … so make it yummy. What foods will you make every year?
Gifts and Cards
The best gifts don’t have to be expensive. For some people, homemade presents or acts of giving are the best gifts they will ever receive. I remember my sister making a booklet as a present for my parents that was filled with coupons.
The bearer of this coupon will receive breakfast in bed.
The bearer of this coupon will receive one foot massage.
My parents loved it!
Make gift certificates for family and friends. People with small children will really appreciate a night of free babysitting. Give a child a "day with mum/dad/grandma/godparent" – these are great for children from a busy or large family. Offer a massage to your partner. Do you have friends who cannot get away because of their pets? Offer to foster their beloved ones while they head away for a weekend.
A very important point to remember:
Honour your gift. Don’t just give it and hope they don’t redeem it or they have to hassle you for it. Follow through and make it a gift from the heart.
Cook up a storm and make preserves, spices, bottled oils etc. Give yourself plenty of time though so you can enjoy the making.
Write letters of love and appreciation to friends rather than just the token obligatory lines in a Christmas card.
If you are buying presents a great way to ensure people receive gifts that they are able to use and possibly need, is to encourage the writing of ‘Dear Santa’ letters. Have, in particular, older family members write a letter to Santa listing some of the things they would love to receive. (You may wish to place a price on the wish list!) and then get them to leave them on the top shelf, or place a ‘mail box’ in the kitchen.
Christmas Eve
Take a drive, ride the push bikes or walk in your local neighbourhood and check out the fairy light and Christmas displays. This has become quite a feature in Australia and can provide many hours of fun. Get your neighbours involved in a caroling night, or a front yard barbeque. Take snack food and drinks and enjoy the festivity with others. Join in with your community’s Carols by Candlelight each year – get a group together and make a party of it. Find out what church and community activities are on and get involved in the spirit of Christmas.
Christmas Day
4am in the morning… ‘is it Christmas yet?’ is a cry heard in many homes.
Christmas Day with my family was a welcome routine – it was nearly always the same until I was a teenager - my mum and dad always left a present on the bottom of our bed - a comic book, an girl’s annual book or a wished for novel. We were allowed to open it and it would keep us occupied for a good while.
With ruffled hair and sleep in our eyes we would then wait until all four girls were up and take it in turn to open our presents that were under the tree. We would have a family Christmas lunch and then go to the beach in the afternoon… they were good times and I remember them well. I created a similar ritual for our children which they have enhanced with their input.
Giving Thanks for the Old and Welcoming the New
One of the new rituals we have incorporated into this holiday season happens on New Years Eve or as close to the change of year as is possible.
We gather around the table with a large piece of butcher’s paper. On one side we write down the current year (i.e. 2009) and draw a big circle around it and then we all take a pen or pencil and write down all the experiences that happened in the year that we are grateful for. Anyone can write anything anywhere. When we have shared lots of stories, laughs and sometimes a few tears about remembered times we then turn the paper over and write down the next year (i.e. 2010) and draw a big circle around it. We then write down all the things we look forward to or would like to happen. Nothing is censored even if it seems really silly to another family member… all is welcome. (Like your ten year old son wishing for a helicopter pad!) We then roll it up and put it away… ready to pull it out next year and see what we wished for and what we achieved over the year.
Lots of fun and a great way to tell stories of what has happened, what was exciting, what was difficult, what was overcome and create personal and family visions.
Special gatherings during this holiday season are all about strengthening our connections to those people close to us… by giving the time, the love, the interest in each other, the care and consideration… creating happy, healthy relationships.
wendy's book store
