Ghost Writing
Need a Hand to Get Your Thoughts in Order?
Often people contact me to get ideas for a eulogy, ceremony or tribute; to ruminate what works, what doesn’t work; what needs to be said.. and not said. This was one of those mornings as I walked and talked with a man who was looking for focus in writing a eulogy for his dearest friend who died unexpectedly. I was enjoying the back and forth of ideas and so was he.
I clarified what a tribute is about: connection, storytelling, empathising and honouring grief and celebration. I spoke into what it is not: a platform for preaching or for fixing, analysing, justifying….
He sent me a first spoken draft in a memo and I asked if he wanted me to be honest. Yes.
I responded to a few things but one aspect, in particular, stood out. There was a paragraph that hinted at grief not being the right response to ‘love’… for people to see beyond the grief, to a knowing that the deceased was in a better place. I can’t quite remember what was said but I still remember how I felt in my body. Alarmed. I wrote, ‘I want to give support for people’s right to grieve without a sense of it being shameful or wrong or not spiritual or awakened. I want to give support for people to be real, to be silly, grieve, cry, laugh…
Grief needs care and freedom to be felt. It needs spaciousness and acceptance. Grief needs respect.
