On the Path
A normal blood test result of Inhibin B is under 10. Today my surgeon gave me news that my count is 9740 which is consistent with my lesion having a 95% chance of being a Granalosa cell tumour, a rare form of ovarian cancer.
After yesterdays post, I feel into the odds now being 10/95. There is a difference in the feeling body to have greater odds. Yet, I am aware that the truth still remains, I either have cancer or I do not. Once again, I notice how this information guides me to what I need to do. Practical things… like resending the information about my finances and passwords to my three adult children. They may need them as my power of attorneys and enduring guardians.
This is the path for me to walk, rest and lean into.
Being with life as it is. I am so deeply grateful I engage in practices of meditation, self empathy and loving kindness. That I have a beloved family, friends and community holding me.
I am staying with my son, Chahaya and his wife, MaiYing. It is relaxed here. I hug them both goodnight. Holding my 31 year old son, I let the tears flow. Even writing this, my tears flow. I hold my daughters, Kaya and Naomi, in that hug too.
I go to sleep now, tired yet opening to a new day tomorrow, a new journey. For now, I rest, deeply.
Prayers that it will be a relaxed, safe and clean removal of the tumour, which apparently is possible, tomorrow, Friday 14th January, at 3pm AEDT. I value your messages and reaching out – which offer me nourishment, care, love, connection, support and joy. It’s unlikely there will be personal replies for a while. Until I am able to, my daughter, Kaya, will post updates here on my blog. My friend and admin support, Nicole, will be answering work emails.
Much love, many blessings to you all.
Beloved Wendy, first thing this morning I am praying you are walking up in grace, being held by prayers, love and care. Knowing very well that this will be a hard day, may you be safe.
Thank you Chetan, Feeling your love and prayers… so very nourishing, guiding me back through the wobblies to presence and love. I am safe and held. Big love dear friend. xx