Returning to the Elements… Interment of Ashes

Ideas for a Simple Ashes Interment Gathering

I’ve been reflecting on what can be helpful when families and friends gather to inter ashes, especially when the group is small and the intention is to keep things simple, meaningful, and unforced.

An ashes interment can be an informal ceremony at the cemetery. You might begin with a short period of silence and/or music that was meaningful to the person who has died. This can help everyone arrive, become present to the place you are gathering, and acknowledge the sacredness of the ritual.

One person (a friend, family member, or celebrant) can then offer a few words of welcome and gently guide the flow, so no one feels unsure about what comes next.

Those gathered can be invited to share something if they wish, such as:

• how the months since the death have been

• memories of what they loved most about the person

• a quote from a biography or favourite writing

• reflections on how the person impacted their life, or how their death has affected them

• a poem, reading, or short reflection

• a few words connected to a meditation or spiritual practice the person followed

This can be prepared beforehand and helps create a space that can hold grief, gratitude, legacy, and the reality of life continuing after death.

When it feels complete, the ashes or box can be placed into the ground. Some people like to include small notes or messages. You may wish to check with the groundkeeper about covering the ashes with soil, followed by the placing of petals or flowers, with music playing during this time.

To close, you might mark this moment by inviting each person to consider one quality they would like to live into in the coming year, perhaps something inspired by the way the person lived. These can be spoken aloud if people wish: words such as peace, courage, curiosity, adventure, creativity, qualities that feel real and meaningful.

Practical considerations:

• Dress comfortably for the outdoors

• Bring umbrellas in case of really hot or wet weather

• Water bottles if it’s hot.

• Picnic chairs if anyone needs to sit

• A small Bluetooth speaker for music (a PA is usually unnecessary for a small group)

• A spade or trowel if required

• Flowers or petals, and any notes or messages to be buried with the ashes

What else might you want to include?

If you have any stories to share I’d love you to leave a comment. If you’re planning something like this and would like support shaping it, or simply a sounding board, I’m always happy to help.