Jim and Helen Gorman

Nearly two years ago, I had the honour of conducting the funeral ceremony for Jim, Helen’s beloved husband. Walking back into the family home last week, this time to farewell Helen, was tender and like visiting old friends. Even in their grief, it was lovely to see them again, to hold space with the same familiar faces, and to witness the deep threads of love that run through their family.

While Helen’s ceremony was different from Jim’s, there were echoes of continuity. The family chose to include the same reading, Afterglow, a piece that had held meaning for them before and felt just as fitting for Helen’s gentle, steadfast spirit.

Afterglow by Helen Lowrie Marshall

I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days.
I’d like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun;
Of happy memories that I leave when life is done.

The grandchildren once again shared their stories of their grandparents. It was so beautiful to hear the way they spoke about her. Their words were full of admiration, affection, and a kind of uncomplicated love that says so much about who she was in their lives. Helen was an active and engaged granny: present, encouraging, and always up for whatever her grandchildren dreamed up. Their tributes painted such a vivid picture of a woman who gave generously of her time and her heart.

Below is a small excerpt from the Words of Remembrance from the ceremony:

“Helen was the grand matriarch of the family, she was the original feminist: responsible, capable, and forthright from the very start. That strength carried her through many challenges, through raising her family, and through decades of hard work, care, and service.

As a nurse, Helen was known for calling a spade a spade. She was a legend in the hospital and worked hard, and expected others to do the same, remembered everyone’s name, and never suffered fools. Even the doctors called her Matron. She did what needed to be done, she showed up, and she took pride in what she gave.

At home, she was the same: practical, resourceful, and always thinking ahead. She always had a plan on how to make a little go a long way: from saving hotel soaps to wrapping up leftovers for the dogs and chooks.

Helen made sure everyone was safe, resilient, fed, and grounded. She sewed and cooked. She will be remembered for her sponge cakes and lamingtons, Nutella sandwiches with butter, and the jar of lollies in the cupboard. She will be remembered for reminding you to always wear clean knickers in case you are in an accident, setting clear boundaries, for her quick retorts and for always bringing you together.

Helen and Jim shared a deep and loyal love. They travelled, they danced, they laughed, and they were both proud of their family. Helen leaves a legacy of integrity, humour, resourcefulness, and love:  the kind of love shown through doing, providing, protecting, and being there.

Helen lived a full and rich family life.

May she rest in peace.”